Showing posts with label knitting fables. Show all posts
Showing posts with label knitting fables. Show all posts

Friday 2 October 2015

The Mysterious Case of the Amoebas and the Staircase and Other Knitting Fables


Cybil had always thought that if she were Scheherazade, she would enchant the Shah by mesmerizing him with her knitwear rather than by telling stories.





Marguerite and Barton liked to wear outfits that not only matched each other's but also evoked the brickwork, chrome, and black leather decor of their condo.





Rusty and Henrietta had no qualms about letting the world know about their poultry fetish cosplay.





Geraldine saw herself as an über mother, who knitted her own styling pantsuits and dragged her daughter Jemima to the top of mountaintops to show her what she could achieve while simultaneously looking fabulous. Her friends and family, who had repeatedly tried and failed to convince Geraldine to dial it back a little for pity's sake, had been secretly contributing to a therapy fund for Jemima for years.





Twyla had always had a fondness for the halcyon days of 1980s knitwear, when it was an unwritten rule that one must style one's hair in geometric shapes that coordinated with one's knitwear and jewelry.





Paulette, self-published author of many mystery novels, liked to knit whenever she was having problems with her current manuscript. This was the sweater she had produced while working on The Mysterious Case of the Amoebas and the Staircase, and she hardly knew which creation she was prouder of.





Errol felt one was never too old to enjoy the Harry Potter series. As he liked to explain to others, he still enjoyed it just as much as when he was a kid, but now he'd moved on to doing so in a very adult way -- that is, one with much more depth and nuance.





Alastair decided he need to stop inviting Errol to his backyard crafting cosplay events. Sure, Errol always kept to the letter of Alastair's rule that all guests must show up in costumes they had made themselves, but he always got the tone wrong.





Lena had hoped that wearing what was essentially a crafted lampshade on her head would help make her the life of Alastair's party, but here she was, a painfully shy wallflower yet again.





Melba decided to wear the costume she had created for her role as Nick Bottom in her women's college stage production of Midsummer Night's Dream to Alastair's party.

Wednesday 26 August 2015

The Four Crocheteers and Other Knitting Fables


Edie had expected finishing her new Tutti Frutti top would cheer her up and help her forget that she'd flunked out of beauty school, but it hadn't done the trick.





Carmel felt that the drama of the glorious cascade of yarn attached to her shoulder by way of a brooch more than made up for the fact that she had forgotten to wear her "nice undies" as she had intended.





After her manager strenuously objected to her visible undies as workplace attire, Carmel came up with a new look. People in the marketing department were always told they should be positive, and what could be more positive than an outfit inspired by cheerleading pom poms?





Triplets Bill, Phil, and Dill loved to knit, but they had not spend so much time at the gym honing their physiques only to cover them up with knitwear.





The craft club best known as the Four Crocheteers weren't such gym rats as Bill, Phil, and Dill, and were therefore more inclined to go free form when practicing the needle arts.





By contrast, the knitting club known as the Kneurotic Knitters used their knitting to veil their insecurities. You don't think their ankles look fat in these outfits, do you?





Giselle always reserved one outfit for those days when she felt more than usually Kafakesque. Her Penal Colony outfit was an even more dramatic, fun look than her Metamorphosis outfit, but also more cumbersome.





Verna loved wearing her new sweater design while wearing housework. Being able to use one's sweater as both a duster and a pot scrubber was such a timesaver.





Jackson was positive his new sperm outfit would do wonders for his social life. Chicks dig a man who's able and willing to give them babies, right?





Zed oozed so much cool, he could even wear his new hoodie dress like a boss.

Wednesday 15 July 2015

Conformity and Deformity and other Knitting Fables


Sim, Mim, and Jim felt their planned road trip to New York (and subsequent intended taking of the children's public broadcasting scene by storm), required just the right knitwear.





Pippa was thrilled that she had found a way to marry two of her greatest loves: knitting and rug hooking.





Ursula's latest design was not only a deconstruction of postmodern society's tension between conformity and deformity, but also a vehicle for smuggling contraband across international borders.





Frazer struggled not to cry as he walked down the runway. He'd finally realized that his girlfriend's conception of high fashion sailing attire meant she did not and never would share his passion for and rudimentary knowledge of sailing. There are no butterflies at sea.





Melantha and Lance loved their new double bikini and felt it did almost as much to strengthen the bond between them as their cherished two-seated Love Toilet.





Thomasina, whose ears were very sensitive to the cold, had long been working towards her design goal of making a chic, adult version of earmuffs, and thought she'd finally nailed it. Putting the connecting strap under the chin instead of across the head had been key.





Hope, whose design muse was Frida Kahlo, had created the latest in a series of looks that represented what she thought Frida Kahlo would be wearing if she were alive today. This particular one was "what Frida would wear if she were into pom poms and were having everyone over to drink pitchers of Agua Frescas and watch Orange is the New Black".





Fawn's design muse was Judy Jetson, and this was her "Judy is stricken by a migraine and the pain relieving ray gun is broken" look.





Gramps had just reassured Chet III that of course his will stipulated that his extensive collection of knitwear and silk scarves as well as the buttoned red leather wing chair were to be part of Chet's inheritance.





Jamie and Dolores, two public school teachers currently on mandatory leave of absence and "under observation" at their local hospital's psychiatric unit, used their craft time to create caftans that were visual representations of sieve-like young minds, futile blackboard scribbles, and worn out blackboard erasers. Those hospital gowns were pretty depressing and embarrassing, after all.

Tuesday 23 June 2015

The Crochet Crusades and Other Knitting Fables


Sometimes when Ali got stuck for a design concept, she gave her cat a bunch of yarn to play with and hair sprayed the result.





Frederica saw no reason why she shouldn't embrace her love of classic Chanel styles and patchwork quilts at the same time.





Troy, a museum curator, made a sort of hobby of creating historical textile pieces for the alternate universe he had created in his mind. He felt that his concept of armour for the Crochet Crusades was likely to prove his masterpiece.






Isabelle, a busy woman, saved time by simultaneously rehearsing for her dance recitals and knitting Christmas presents.





Brook had finally realized his vision of the perfect rave outfit, but felt it was all for nothing because he couldn't get his right sock to stay up.





Raoul's sperm sweater was one of the most acclaimed entries in the Male Pride Fashion Show.





When Timothea's design class instructor criticized her designs for being "too tube-like" and "structurally lacking", Timothea dutifully added curves and structure to her next design, only to receive a bewildering and terse "see me after class" comment from the instructor.





Rex was very proud of his new swim sweater, though he thought he could have done better at coordinating it with his Speedos. However, he reminded himself, with the right hair, one can get away with such minor sartorial missteps.





When Phillipa decided she'd missed her true calling of becoming a dental hygienist but wanted to finish out her last year of design school for the sake of finishing what she'd started, she decided that, rather than design a year-end project from scratch, she could just get creative with whatever swatches and half-finished projects she had lying around her dorm room.





There comes a point in many a model's life at which the model realizes that no amount of money makes it worth appearing in public in bizarre crap, and when Sullivan found himself on a runway in fishnet stockings and a sweater made out of steering wheel covers while being half-blinded by camera flashes, he realized he'd zoomed right past that point.

Wednesday 20 May 2015

Forced Intimacy and Other Knitting Fables


Eleanor was convinced that it was by no accident that her name was what it was and that she was in fact the reincarnation of Eleanor of Aquitane and had shone as queen of both England and France, though those 16 years of house arrest had been a total drag.





Malcolm and Janine were trying to keep their minds open regarding their marriage therapists "forced intimacy" techniques, but sometimes they were ready to write him off as being completely full of shit.





Vincent tried spending an evening relaxing with his knitting as advised by his sister, and it ended up being the usual Saturday night of contemplating the barren, arid wasteland of his life and talking to the cat. But then, as his sister assured him when he complained to her about it, he'd done it wrong. He was supposed to spend the evening actually knitting, not wearing an unfinished and flawed project. Couldn't he just stuff the project gone wrong under his bed and start another project like normal knitters?





When Bethea's entire family came over for the annual Easter family do that she always hosted, they agreed that she had really outdone herself on the decorations this year.





Albert felt that an epic Mohawk called for an epic cowl.





Designer Iris was crushed when Jennifer Lopez turned down her new red carpet design for "not being revealing enough" and vowed never to make the mistake of being too demure in her designs again.





Alejandro topped off his latest knitwear creation with a fascinator constructed from a cheap wig, a kitchen canister, and two knitting needles. Sometimes he felt he'd missed his calling and should have been a milliner rather than a knitwear designer.





Augustus's pom pom philosophy was "I Magno aut in domum cede", or when roughly translated into plebeian English, "Go Big or Go Home".





One of these days, Mai thought, her boyfriend Christopher was going to insist on doing sheep cosplay once too often and she was going to dump his woolly, bob-tailed ass.





Petra had grown up worshiping Mary Kate and Ashley Olesen and her designs reflected her residual spite at fate for not making her a twin.